(There are intimate details in this post....)
I woke up at 2 am feeling like I got a good amount of
sleep before having to wake up to go to the bathroom. I was happy and went back to bed. I
woke up again at 4:30. I don’t know if I was having contractions or Braxton hicks, but I felt a lot of pressure and only a little discomfort. I’ve been feeling those
for weeks and didn’t think anything of it. I got up to go to the bathroom and
the discomfort went away. I walked around a few minutes and went back to bed.
The discomfort came back. I rolled around trying to get comfortable (which is
impossible when you’re 9 months pregnant) and gave up. I was about to get up
hoping that standing would make it go away when my water broke. When my water
broke with Bailey I felt a tiny prick inside and a little drop of liquid.
Nothing big. With Megan it was a gush. I ran to the bathroom and didn’t
know what to do. I waited for it to stop, cleaned myself up, changed and
debated how long to wait before I told Ryan. I told him to sleep in the guest
room because I had been tossing and turning and moaning in pain and wanted him
to get a good night’s sleep. I walked into his room and said, “Do you want to
meet your little girl?” He bolted straight out of bed and was a man on a
mission. I wouldn’t say he was panicking, but he was stressing (me) out a bit.
He called some friends finding someone to watch the kids (we had asked a few
people in advance) while I got ready. I was putting last minute things in the
hospital bag, and changing the bed sheets. Ryan came in and said, “Don’t do
that now! Let’s go! I don’t want you to have a baby in the car!” I just didn’t want
to have dirty sheets!
Ryan woke the kids up and got them ready to go to a friend's house. Bailey was excited, Andre was scared.
We dropped the kids of at our friends, the Chappells’s
house. I was feeling ok. Smaller contractions, but I could talk and breathe
through them. They continued to increase on our way to the hospital but weren’t
bad. We walked in the Emergency Room door and walked up to the desk. The lady
behind the desk said, “All these people are in front of you, you’ll have to
wait.” I said, “I’m going to go have a baby” and
just walked down the hallway to labor and delivery. I wasn’t going to wait. Stupid people. Anyway. I
waddled down and around the hallways (I knew the way) and checked in at the
nurses desk. They made me wait a while which I didn’t understand. A nurse
walked by and asked if I needed anything. I said a towel. She thought I was
kidding. I said no, my water broke and it’s continuing to come out and my pad
is getting full. I thought maybe that would make them take me more seriously,
but she just got me a towel to sit on than sat with us and chatted. She was
really nice and kinda querky. My contractions were getting stronger. I could no
longer talk though them. The nurse noticed and said, Uh, there she goes. Another nurse finally came and got me and
took me to triage. I used the rest room and changed into the gown they give
you. I laid on the bed while everyone took their time. I was still leaking. Why
don’t they understand that? I can’t control it. Hello?! Give me something! She
checked to see if I was dilated and I had a contraction at the same time and
that was really uncomfortable. She said I was a 4. We moved into another room on the labor
and delivery side of the hallway.
I got settled in at 6:22am (on 6/22) and saw a new nurse,
Ray. Everyone was taking their time. I
was still leaking and hurting and the contractions were getting bad. I was
waiting for the anesthesiologist. It was right during their shift
change and the one coming on duty was going straight to a C section. I thought, maybe I could do
this without medicine. I’m strong. I can do hard things. Then my contractions
got worse. I couldn’t breathe through them. I just cried. It started as silent
crying, but as the contractions got worse, I got louder. I think the biggest factor wasn’t the pain – although that hurt like crazy. It was the fact
that I couldn’t stop it. I wasn’t ready for this baby. I was emotionally depressed and really not
ready for a third baby. I have spent nights crying myself to sleep because I
was so scared of having another baby. How would I handle it? How would the kids
handle it? Could we transition well? I don’t want to go through labor again. I
don’t want to breast feed. I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night
for months. I’m not ready for this transition. I’m not ready for a baby. That’s
what made the contractions worse. I couldn’t stop her from coming. I couldn’t
wait any longer for those things that scared me and kept me up at night. I
spent hours crying, hoping she’d wait another day to come and I couldn’t cry this
away. Although I tried. I had Ryan give me a blessing and that helped a bit. I
moved around trying to find a comfortable place on the bed, again, that doesn’t
exist. Ray checked me again a little later and I was 4.5-5. She said she called
the anesthesiologist again, but was still in surgery. She said he’d be done around
8 or 8:15. It was 7:30 at this point. We’d been waiting over an hour and things
were progressing quickly. The more fluid I lost, the more her head pushed down,
the more I dilated, the stronger the contractions became and the more it hurt.
My OBGYN, Dr. Hampton came in to check on me and see how I was doing. That
in itself made me feel better. I love my doctor. She’s so positive and
encouraging and supportive. It was nice to see her.
The anesthesiologist finally got there around 8:15. He
too took his sweet time getting set up. I guess that makes sense. He’s
messing with my spine. I don’t want him to rush. He was done around 8:40.
I can’t remember, but he said it would take some time for it to fully kick
in. He said my contractions would feel
shorter before they felt less painful. He stayed with me for a little bit to
make sure I wasn’t having any side effects and the medicine was working. I
started to feel better, but still felt pain in the contractions. I think I just
wasn’t as stressed as much and the nurse showed me how to breathe through them.
That seemed to help as much as the medicine. Ray told me I would still feel a
lot of pressure and not to confuse pressure with pain. I understood. I can
handle the physical pain better than emotional insecurity.
The anesthesiologist left around 8:45. I was feeling
better. I could feel the contractions, but they didn’t hurt as much, but I felt
pain down lower, like in my cervix. (side note: Megan had been pushing on my
cervix a lot! IT hurt! It was sharp electric pain in a place so sensitive I
can’t describe how badly it hurt. My OBGYN knew what I was talking about, and this was probably why I
was dilated at 36 weeks to 2 cm, and 3 cm by 37 weeks. I knew this pain. I
knew it was against my cervix. Megan was also pushing on a nerve down there (for the last 8 weeks) so
I had a lot of pain shooting down my leg. I knew what my cervix felt like when
it was hurting). I called the nurse back in. It had only been a few minutes so
she was certain it was still pain from the contractions. She said my epidural
hadn’t fully kicked in and I would still fell pain for a while. I told her it
wasn’t from a contraction. I said I felt it in my cervix. She said she’s never
heard of someone complaining about pain in their cervix. She assured me I was
fine and that the epidural would help soon and I’d feel better. I had to insist
something was happening. She looked at me like I was crazy or that I couldn’t
handle a little bit of pain. I asked her to check me. She reluctantly did and
that’s when I saw her eyes open up huge. She said, “there’s a baby right
there!!!” Um, ya! I told you I felt something! I went from being dilated 5 cm
and 50% effaced to 10 cm and fully effaced in 30 minutes. The nurse told me to
do a test push. I did. Then she told me to stop. I don’t know why they
think that works. I’m ready to push. My epidural isn’t fully set in so I feel everything. Telling a pregnant woman who’s 10 cm and 100% effaced not to push is
like telling someone to hold their breath for 5 minutes. You can hold off for a
little bit, but your body will kick in and take over.
She called my OBGYN at 8:50. The urgency in her voice was
not hidden well. Other nurses were rushing in getting things ready. The nurse
told me she couldn’t get a hold of my Dr, but don’t push! I said I can’t not
push. She told me if I delivered this baby without my dr. there she’d have 50
pages of paperwork to do. I wanted to say, then you shouldn’t have had me push
earlier, but held my tongue. The nurse called my Dr’s office to tell them to
get my Dr. here. Luckily she works right next to the hospital. Dr. Hampton,
got there about 5 minutes later. As she walked in the room I said, “get her out
of me!” because I knew I couldn’t wait much longer. She got all set up and told
me to push on the next contraction. One push later and Megan was born. Dr.
Hampton wasn’t even there for 3 minutes before Megan came. I could still feel a
lot of pain. The edge was taken off, but it was by far my more painful
delivery. It was also my fastest so I have that to be grateful for. Megan was
officially born at 9:07am. Dr. Hampton waited for the epidural to fully kick in before
stitching me up.
After Megan was born they clamped the cord for Ryan to cut,
then wiped her down a little bit and placed her right on my chest. I had so
many different emotions running through me. Ryan was crying. I was scared. I
was in shock and I was in pain, but there was this perfect little baby girl
laying on my chest. I didn’t know what to do. Do I cry? Do I kiss her? Do I
talk to her? It was such a weird time for me. I wanted to give her to Ryan to
hold, but at the same time, couldn’t stop looking at her. This baby was just
inside me. She was causing me to have so many fears, doubts, pains, emotions.
What do I do now? Now that I can see her? I can’t be in denial anymore. She is
here. She is real.
And she is perfect.
Megan stayed with me for her first hour in the world. I was surprised at how alert and awake she was so early. She tried nursing too and did pretty good. Then they took her for her measurements and tests.
Megan weighed 7 lbs 6oz. She was my biggest baby by almost a pound. Bailey was 6 lb 7oz and Andrew was 6 lb 1oz.
Megan had a little jaundice so they put her under the warm lights for a little while. They measured her while she was here. 19.5 inches making her my biggest and shortest baby.
She finally fell asleep.
One happy Daddy.
Ryan picked up the kids and brought them to the hospital to meet Baby Sister. She still didn't have a name at this point. Bailey instantly loved her. She would sing and hug and kiss Megan. You could tell she was genuinely excited to meet her little sister. Andrew was observing from a distance.
Megan made (with my help) shirts for Andrew and Bailey that said best big brother and best big sister.
The family came back a few times, then Megan and I had the night to ourselves. Just like when Bailey was born, I couldn't sleep the night after giving birth, I was tired and exhausted, but I just wanted to stare at her. Knowing Megan will most likely be our last baby, it makes everything different. This is the last time I will have a baby less than 24 hour old. This is the last time I'll be in the hopspital with just me and her to bond. This is the last time she will open her eyes for the first time. This is the last time...
I just wanted to hold on to everything about her. I didn't want to miss anything. I wanted to remember it all. Megan didn't want to sleep that night either. She cried a lot so I held her most the night.
The family came back in the morning. Ryan and I discussed names again. Going into the hospital I was set on the name Emily with Katelyn as a backup. I really loved the name Avalyn, but Ryan hated it. Ryan liked Amelia and Emily and Katelyn. I think we both were leaning towards Emily. After Megan was born, we both looked at her and said, she's not an Emily. After that we weren't sure what to do. She didn't look like a Katelyn or Amelia either. While Ryan had the kids at home, I kept thinking of the name Megan. I could almost hear it being spoken to me. It was strange because Megan wasn't on my top 5 names. Why would it keep coming to me like that? When I mentioned this to Ryan, he said he agreed and that the name Megan was on his mind too. Ryan and I have been talking about names for her for months, and then she is born and brings her name with her. I felt a little cheated since we spent so many hours looking up names and talking about it, but when we look at her we know she's Megan. No questions about it.
As far as middle names go, each of our kids have Hawaiian middle names. We knew Megan's Hawaiian name would be Paola. Ryan's mom and sister both have Paola as their middle name. We also like to name our kids after people and so Megan got my middle name of Elizabeth and so 30 hours after she was born, we finally named her Megan Elizabeth Paola Kearns.
I was able to walk around better the second day and the kids got to hold her.
It was a fast and crazy delivery and I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends who took Andrew and Bailey while we were in the hospital. We love having Megan as a part of our family and are excited to watch her learn and grow. I was so scared to have this baby. I was terrified, but I am so glad we had her. She is the addition to our family we didn't know we needed. We love you Megan!
A little video of the first days at the hospital.
The end of the beginning with Megan.
